Octopus©

It had been a long week of hard work and emotions. Leaving the past behind, and walking
into a future that was unknown and uncertain, I was feeling lost and alone. The Southsea
shore was the only place I ever came to when I was feeling like this. I stood on the shingle
and watched the sun go down, the sky reddening and finally the blackness descended,
wrapping me in it’s arms. The sea was calling me, calling me, calling me. I felt my feet
scrunching over the shingle as I moved nearer to the waves. Soon, the water was lapping
around my ankles, then my knees, my thighs, my waist, until I was submerged up to my
armpits. I took a deep breath and allowed the sea to hold me.

I’m swimming in the dark, dark sea. It’s warm, so warm and I’m loving the soft silkiness of
the water on my skin. I float with my face to the stars; light from the moon glints in my hair.
Can you see me from the shore now? I lift my arm and wave, just once, before I sink into
the deep deep waters.
I am not afraid anymore, this is my home, where I belong. On the shore I can see
the coloured lights of the people and their cars but down here in the deep I can see
flickering lights of the deepest fish and above me the stars have turned into jellyfish. They
slide and weave amongst each other, the seaweed gently wraps itself around them as they
separate and close together like a wonderfully giant lung. As if they are breathing. I am no
longer breathing air but the sea is warm and fills me like a healing balm, caressing me
inside and out. I have no more worries or cares for the landed world. This smooth ocean is
my home now and I will stay here forever.
A tiny sea-horse gallops past me, looking for his mate, his belly filled with baby sea-
horses. I wonder how he will manage to care for so many babies without a mate to help
him. She is long gone, looking for another male to take her charges. I wave and he smiles,
accepting of his fate as the parent at home, whilst she gallivants about amongst the ocean
grasses.
Something touches my leg. I look down and see it’s an octopus, lightly stroking me,
helping me to feel at home I think. I wonder why I ever thought the octopus was something
to be afraid of. I remember seeing one in a jar in the museum and shivering with disgust at
first, then I felt sadness for the imprisonment of such a wonderfully frightening creature.
And now it was here, alive and guiding me perhaps, leading me down, down, down, into
this strange new home that I am in. It takes me through some weed, lit with lights from
other sea creatures. They look like stars but they are in the wrong place. They are down
here instead of up there in the heavens. The tentacles of the octopus are a part of me

Octopus© Christine Lawrence
now, like I am part of the octopus, I am the octopus. I feel the sensation of having many
limbs instead of only four. I writhe and turn, swimming now as the octopus and I feel my
whole being is led to my true home.
I see other creatures ahead and all around me. I like the silver scaled fish the best
to look at. The eels make me shudder like I used to shudder at the octopus when it was in
that jar on the shore. I wonder if the other creatures are looking at me and maybe they will
shudder too.
Suddenly I find myself being forced into a bubble, I am pushed or led there, I am not
sure which, but somehow I am trapped and the other creatures around me are on the
outside of my bubble. I cannot communicate with them even though they are looking at me
with a great curiosity. They look and then they swim or move away, back into the darkness.

There is a light shining on me. Whichever way I turn, the light follows me but I
cannot get out of this bubble. Is this what the octopus experienced in the tank above,
before it’s life was ended and it’s body was pickled in that jar?
I close my eyes and hope that it’s all a dream, but when I open them again nothing
has changed. I have not woken in my room, no; this is my reality now. The eyes staring in
at me may be kind, but they won’t let me out, back into the world on land. This is my world
now.